I wanna say hellooo to the world..
But it is impossible cuz now I'm most likely out of nowhere.. Haha..
Actually I wanna go to a unusual relaxing place like waterfall maybe.. But it's now December, so it will chill so damn nuts.. Haha..
Honestly..I just wanna go.. No matter where.. I need something to 'indulge' my mind since it thought too much..
Yep.. From now on, I will try my best to keep my mind relax.. Live superficially is a NO NO..! I wanna live to the fullest...
well,, I shouldn't keep thinking about him.. I have a vacation in Surabaya right now.. But.. The only think that keeps coming over and over is..'that name'..
*sigh*
Oh God.. What should I do..? I have no idea..
I just can't be assured that we can work it out..
Please give me sign,, God..
I beg You...
humm..
I love my room.. Its nice atmosphere brings me to the 'lala' land every night..
My room.. My sanctuary.. Aaww.. Feels sooo gud.. *grin*
Pathetic.. Yeah that's all.. My first love didn't end up well. I've never experienced a serious relationship. My first dating is when I was in 6th grade.. LOL..
There was a guy -initial F- wanted to be with my friend.. So...he dumped me.. Can you imagine a 6th grade boy could do such a thing..? The worse is F was finally with my friend and he's not the only one to be with Y.. Y had 2 boyfriends at the same time..! F didn't mind to be the second.. Y said that she just couldn't choose.. Awwww~
Come to think of it, she was so evil right..?? Hahaha..
I was so sad and felt like humiliated.. But.. I was sooo stupid at that moment.. I call it a sudden-broken..
Then, when I was in 11th grade I met a guy.. We knew we were in love but we just couldn't work it out cuz we had some reasons to not to be in relationship.. So far, he's the one whom I feel most comfortably talk with cuz we have the same interests.. We're still good friends even though our journey was like telenovela.. hahahaha..
It's good to know someone like him..
The other guys were just a simple crush.. But I think I felt so much deeply in love was twice.. After that, I feel umm..not really confident about myself to be in relationship.. I have soooooooooooo many inferiority.. And the other guys at my age don't seek a girl like me..
They just come and gone as they wanted to.. That's why I call myself pathetic..
I don't put THAT high standard to a guy.. I just want someone who can accept me the way I am.. Someone who doesn't have to be perfect..so we can fill each other's weaknesses.. But of course it will be good if we have the same interest.. I don't wanna call it type or whatever.. Love can't be measured by anything.. It just flows from your heart, right..?
Yeah maybe "I'm not lost.. Just undiscovered.." just like James Morrisson said..
*Kyu*
It's nearly the end of 2010. Time flies so fast right..? 2010.. There were soooo many things happened in this year.. 2010 is the year I graduated from my high school.. The year I got betrayed with the agent.. The year I became anti-social for almost 3 months because of the betrayal.. The year I entered university.. The year I was chosen to be the batch leader in my department.. The year I found the heartbreaker(s).. The year my niece born.. The year I found a definitely rare type of egotistical person (such a pain in the ass).. The year I start to love SHINee? The year I learned a new language which I've never expected before.. The year I finally leave my habit of being ignorant to my pain.. And sooooo on..
It feels not really good actually to list what I've done in this very year.. Cuz overall I haven't made something worthy enough. I want to leave out my misery.
Sometimes I feel like I'm wearing bullshit that so proud of it but actually I'm just a pain in the ass for everyone's life..
I want to be better.. I wanna do better..coz I wanna be a better person..
So... my resolutions for 2011 are; first, to get a great GDA for my first semester..!! Then, try my best to control my feelings about everything, not no be under controlled by my feelings (just like my bestie said).. And then,, love..?? My love life isn't really good.. And sometimes I think that love seems avoiding me.. hahaha... The other resolution is to lose some weights. Oh come on.. I'm just like the other girls who wanna look better..hehehe.. I've been worked out recently.. If I have more spare time, I'd like to learn violin actually.. *sigh*
Yeah.. Those are some of my resolutions.. I'll try my best to achieve them.. FIGHTING..!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
