♫ Quixotic World ♪

today is actually not really good or bad for me personally.. Especially the whole family & I were at the Grand Penang restaurant.. It (should be) fun..

What bothers my mind the most..is my mom.. As you can see,,she the only one in this very world that I have.. I care a great deal of her indeed.. It all started when I knew that I'm not better or even equal to my brother in her eyes.. Last month,,when my bro knew his identity,, I think I could understand everything.. Since he didn't seem to mess with me recently.. I think..it should be fine..

But..everything's clear to me when mum said that she didn't MUCH happy when I came into this world. My heart broke into pieces.. I was like nothing but a trash.. She and her acts toward me revealed my hazy mind.. The way she objected my idea.. The way she yelled at me.. The way she treats me.. I'm the only burden in her life..

I knew I'm not that honorable son..
I knew I'm not a depandaple son..
I knew I didn't express my feelings as smoothly as him..
I knew,,mom.. You don't have to tell me that every single day..

I just want you to accept me.. I'm your real child.. I don't ask you to love me more than him.. I just want you to know that I'm timid.. The outcome is always different with my mind.. I love you all my life.. I don't want you to leave me.. I don't want to be alone.. Why do you always put my world instead of him..? I have a life too..
Don't you know how painful it is when you said that I really am your burden..? What do you expect from this pathetic idiot,, mom..?
I wanna disappear..

Whatever she is..she's my mom.. I'll love her forever.. Though I don't know how to show,, I knew deep inside she knows that I love her..

God.. I'm tired of myself.. I'd better shut my ears than listen to those words.. I don't know what You're expecting either, God..
I don't deserve to own this life..
I'm sorry for letting everyone down.. Forgive me of my rotten heart.. Have mercy,, My Lord..